Edit: Changed the vlog name from Young Adult: Queer Edition to Untitled.
Welcome to episode one, “Intro,” of Young Adult: Queer Edition. This vlog is a behind-the-scenes look of the making of a publication, The Human Experience. Young Adult: Queer Edition will also explore identity in relation to sexuality, creativity, the job market, community, self-love and how all of those intersect into the concept of adulthood.
This vlog will be a series of video diary entries, interviews with other creative-minded people and panel discussions.
I had the concept for this vlog for the past year, but my firm grasp on perfection held me back from making it. I had the idea of interviewing a variety of queer creative individuals and asking them how they identify with the label adult, and how their creative endeavors have molded their journey into adulthood. I was going to take those interviews and edit them into a first episode that told the mission of my vlog through other people’s journeys, as well as my own.
One of my friends, Allison Moon, sent me a video responding to the prompt of how her creative identity has shaped her evolution into an adult, which you will see as a separate episode.
I had this perfect video in mind that was going to launch my vlog, but I decided against it. Instead, I recorded myself on photo booth and uploaded the video to YouTube without editing it.
I did this because sometimes we just need to create and put our content out there, otherwise it won’t get done. There will always be some obstacle holding us back and eventually we’ll come to the realization that the only thing truly holding us back is our decision to act or not act on our goals. We have the choice to bring our dreams to fruition, or to let them die.
In 2012, I interviewed Desiree Akhavan for Curve Magazine. At the time, she was the co-creator of queer web series The Slope. Currently, she’s a columnist for various publications and is making a film, Appropriate Behavior.
I’m highlighting an excerpt from our interview that emphasizes the idea of creating without perfection in mind.
What has your experience been with making The Slope?
This experience has been really nice, well because Ingrid and I are both students at film school, and I find that we’ve been really precious about our work and spending so many years crafting things and shooting on film and making it look perfect. While we were shooting, we made an episode a week. I’d write the episode Monday. We’d shoot it Thursday and we’d edit it Sunday, and then have it online. And you know, you just can’t be precious. You get it out and if it’s not perfect, it’s not perfect, but you’re constantly doing. I think that’s been a really great lesson.
I think a lot of people, from school at least, are like, ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this. It’s so personal. It’s so embarrassing.’ Like the strap on episode especially, or the open relationship episode when we’re in bed together. And I actually just don’t feel any shame. And that’s why — I think that has to do a lot with coming out of the closet. I don’t know if you feel this way, but once you have to talk to everybody about your sexuality and who you like to fuck, and you’ve already done the most taboo thing of having to be like, ‘Ummm, I’m kind of gay’, then there’s no shame. I don’t know [laughter]. I feel like if my work isn’t perfect, then I’m just going to still put it out. I’m still going to do it because it will make me do more.
“I’m still going to do it because it will make me do more.” – Desiree Akhavan
This is why I started my vlog today. This is why I went forward with working on the social media aspect of creating this publication today. This is why I’m publishing this post today. If I don’t use the present moment to make my dreams a reality, then when will I?
Especially with having bipolar 2 and being prone to having my moods shift if I’m not taking care of myself, I need to act in the moment. If I’m not productive and if I’m not moving towards my goals, I’m more apt to becoming depressed.
I feel like I’m constantly living in transition, currently with my job. I was working with Curve Magazine as their Social Media Manager, and then they told me they couldn’t afford to pay me what they were paying me. A week later I started working with a crowdfunding startup in San Francisco, which failed. My job ends this Friday.
These past few days I have been reflecting more on what I really want in life and what I want to do with my time. Fortunately, three days ago I was offered a freelance writing gig, and two days ago I applied to another freelance writing gig that I got yesterday.
I know that the more jobs I apply to, whether they be freelance or full-time, I’ll get them – but do I really want them?
What I really want is to develop and launch The Human Experience. Right now I’m at another pivotal point in my life where whatever jobs I choose will largely impact how I’ll live my life. Like how working for the crowdfunding startup moved me to San Francisco and completely changed my environment and lifestyle for a month and a half. Will I choose another job in San Francisco, in DC, in Petaluma? Will I choose a handful of freelancing jobs that will give me more room to move my schedule around? While I’m in this transition period, I’ll have more time to dedicate to The Human Experience. When I get more jobs, how much time will I have to dedicate to it?
These are a lot of the thoughts that are swirling through my head right now. As I was shifting into a low-key depression today in relation to the pace and growth of The Human Experience, I knew I needed to do something to get myself out of that. I needed to act.
Taking action each day and moving forward with my goals is the only thing that I can do, and if I continue to act each day, whether I’m juggling five freelance jobs or a full-time job, then I’ll reach my goals.
Today, I decided that I’m fully moving forward with The Human Experience, and I’m not going to let my high expectations or perfectionist ideas hold me back.
– Emelina Minero, T.H.E. Founder (Twitter: CommKr8veWriter)