I am Alicia. I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an artist, a feminist, a lesbian, a college graduate, and so much more; but first and foremost, I am a human being.
My mother became my first bully when I was young. I was always made to feel unimportant and useless. I was the living reminder of my mother’s mistakes and my father’s short comings. And I believed this every day of my life. Does looking and acting just like my father define who I am to be?
My life has brought many triumphs and more tragedy than I’d like to remember. I know what it’s like to be the survivor of domestic abuse, child abuse, and drug abuse. I know what it’s like to be at the top of your game and I know what it’s like to hit rock bottom. I have come so close to death I could reach out and touch it.
If you could look past all the tattoos and piercings and crazy blonde hair…what would you see??
Would you be able to see me, the artist, who uses the human body as a canvas? Could you see my inner child? Could you see my dreams?
You would see pain, heartbreak, sadness, compassion, and beauty. You would see how scared and insecure I really am. I love the loudness, the chaos, and the calm that has become my life. I love diving into everything head first and with a passion so fierce that it consumes me wholly.
I knew I was different from an early age but I didn’t realize I was gay until my early 20’s, and even then I was so confused I didn’t want to admit it to myself. For the past 11 years I have done nothing but exist. I was numb. I got so good at pretending that everything was ok that nothing in my life held any great importance to me. I began to loathe questions like “Are you ok?” and “What’s wrong?” Why face what I had become when I could do a line of coke, smoke a blunt and forget everything around me? Then a man I barely knew opened my eyes and passed no judgment.
In the 5 years since my father’s death, I have slowly began to open up and live my life. I have accepted being gay without feeling ashamed of it. My father opened up my eyes and helped me realize that I cannot live to please anyone else but myself.
I have since came out to my family and friends. My mother continues to be my bully. But I am ok with that. I am happy, well adjusted, and doing great. My mother’s lack of compassion and love do not define me. The labels of society do not define me. I define myself each and every day and in my own unique way.
I am blessed in this life. I have found love and known loss. I have been up and I have been down. I have connected with people in a way that is far more powerful than any human definition. I am far more powerful than I tend to realize. There are no obstacles that I will not overcome. I have made my amends with my past and look forward to the future.
I am a woman. I am strong. I am a lesbian. I hurt. I am labeled by preconceived notions, but I am free and freaking amazing because I am the human Experience.
What is The Human Experience? It is the validity in your story and the story of 7,000,000,000 other people in this world. How do you put a label on being human? You don’t. You open your heart and listen. This is the foundation of our publication, The Human Experience, and we want to hear your story. Join us in spreading the diversity of the human experience with the world by sharing your story.